Oh the waiting...

So the last little while since finding out I wouldn't be doing my transfer I've been trying to figure out insurance, cost for the procedure and a lot of what ifs and what nots.

I hope the way I explain this makes sense, I've made lots of calls and talked with a lot of offices so forgive me if things get confusing.

Plan A:  Go to Spokane and pay a couple thousand out of pocket to have Dr. Robins do the hystercope and D&C

I talked with the financial gal at Dr. Robins office to see if she can check benefits for me (still waiting on hearing back on that) buuuutttt pretty sure I won't have any benefits with them since they are out of state. Plus we really can't afford a couple thousand out of pocket without insurance.

Plan B: Have Dr. Conway the IVF doctor here in Idaho Falls do the procedure.

I thought...why not contact the IVF doctor that just started here in Idaho Falls, Dr. Conway, (they did my endometrial biopsy) and see if she can do the procedure for me and have her just chat with Dr Robins on the phone before hand. I'm genius, this has got to be the answer.

I called and  had EIRMC send my HSG report to Dr. Conway and talked with the PA in her office explaining I needed a hysterscope and D&C and wondered if Dr. Conway could do it. The PA called me back saying that Dr. Conway reviewed the HSG report and recommend doing a saline ultrasound in their office to check the lining, which would save money in case I didn't really need a D&C.

So I emailed Dr. Conway's financial gal to see cost of doing the saline U/S and found out that Dr. Conway isn't even in my network (which she totally was when I checked online earlier on in the year)... go figure. So that's out too. I don't want to pay $450 for a 2nd opinion and then end up having to do the hysterscope and D&C anyway.

Also little side note: a saline u/s is different than a hysterscope. The PA at Dr. Conway's said the saline u/s they just put saline in your uterus and then do an u/s to see the lining and a hysterscope they actually use a camera in your uterus with saline to check out lining.

Plan C: Have a regular OB/GYN doctor do the procedure.

I was planning on changing my OB doctor after I got pregnant any way so I thought now is as good as time as any. So I called and made an appt with a new doctor who was recommended to me and will see him  May 2 and so I'm having to get all my records sent to their office and will have Dr. Robins hopefully chat with him prior.

So that's the plan for now....who knows maybe we will be on to Plan D before I know it :)


Dr Robins (my IVF doc in Spokane) had me start medroxyprogesterone to start a period and continue with 5 units of Lupron every night until I can do the procedure)

Period started : check
Lupron shot every night: check
Hysterscope and D&C: pending

VENT session:
We have been house hunting and we finally decided to build and as we were looking at house plans the one we really liked was a little more than we felt comfortable getting so we did a similar layout but smaller. I just kept thinking DANG infertility (but in reality I actually said Damn Infertility (cover your ears and I'll go wash my mouth out with soap) :)....if we didn't have to deal with Infertility we would be fine to get the house we really wanted and would have like $40,000+ more to put toward a house or school loans.

Neal always says some people buy houses and vacations and we buy babies.

Of course the next day I felt horrible for saying Damn Infertility and prayed for forgiveness and in all honesty as much as Infertility sucks,  I wouldn't take it away or change all the experiences I've had all these year for everything I have learned dealing with it. I have a deeper understanding of the Atonement and of faith in  God's plan for my family. I have faith in His timing...ok that one I'm still working on. Maybe I have hope in His timing is more accurate. I have a greater sensitivity and compassion to those who are dealing with infertility. I have learned I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. I am enough and my infertility doesn't mean it's my fault or that I did something wrong to cause it (although I still have that fear and guilt creep in now and then).

Vent 2:
I had called and left 3 messages with Dr. Robin's office because I had started my period before ending my medroxyprogesterone pills and wanted to know if I should stop the pills since that was their job and also get their opinion on the saline u/s ( which has to be done day 5-10 of menstrual cycle). 3 days after the first message I left I FINALLY got a call back. I was pretty irritated that it took that long. I understand they were doing transfers and were busy but a 5 min phone call can't be that hard to return. Maybe I was being the annoying one calling that much but by golly I needed to know. So my nurse said, yes stop the pills, continue the Lupron shots until procedure--- by the time she  called back I didn't need their opinion on the saline u/s since I  had already found out that Dr. Conway wasn't in network.

My nurse was sorry it took so long to call back, people had called in sick to work and she was covering for them, office was in middle of transfers, etc. Look I get it things get busy but if you can't call at least shoot me an email. (Of course I was understanding and nice and didn't say anything)

So here is to more waiting. Waiting for my doctors appt on May 2... waiting for the procedure...waiting for the transfer....waiting for our house to be built....waiting for another baby in our family that we get to bring home. Oh the waiting.

{Photo Cred: Nephi Guymon}

I love this talk on Waiting upon the Lord by Elder Hales .  READ IT ! It is so great! 
 "What does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end....We may not know when or how the Lord’s answers will be given, but in His time and His way, I testify, His answers will come. For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. This may be true for some promises in our patriarchal blessings and for some blessings for family members. Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary.

Set back

Forgive me today this post will be more of a downer. It's a hard day. I just found out today that we are cancelling the transfer this month because my doctor just got the films and report back from the HSG (a test where they shoot dye into your uterus to check your fallopian tubes and if they are blocked and uterus for adhesion, scarring, or anything else abnormal in your down under :) ) I had the HSG done a month ago and things don't look good. 

LeAnn (my nurse) said it's a hot mess in there-- lots of waviness (no idea what that means) which she said could be possible scarring from past procedures, previous loss, or past infection.  So my doctor wants to do a hysterscope and D&C (not like the LDS scripture doctrine and covenants) :) D&C is for dilation and curettage-- where they go in and scrape out your endometrial lining. Hopefully this works so we can get good lining for transfer in July or August.

I'm super bummed. I was hyping myself up and getting hopeful for the transfer in a week and a half and I had labs and u/s this morning so when she called I thought it was going to be about the results of those and then she dropped the bomb. No transfer this month. I'm still trying to process. 

I've already had lots of meltdowns and tears. I'm frustrated with the hundreds of dollars we have already spent on medicine, and  labs and u/s for this cycle...that ended up being for nothing. And for gearing myself up emotionally and then not knowing how to handle the news we aren't doing it... I'm in shock.

So the plan for now is start Provera to have a period while continuing Lupron shot 5 units until next transfer and after the period do the hysterscope and D&C then hope things are ready to go by July or August for a transfer. 

 I have so many thoughts running through my mind I'm just going to spurt them out here and feel free to not read but I just need help processing all this new info.

The VENT.... again I'm kind of feeling Debbie downer right now so please be kind. This is how I deal with things by spouting the negative, angry, depressing feelings then I will pick myself back up and will continue moving forward.

Thought 1: My doctor in Spokane wants to do the D&C and scope  himself since he wants someone very capable to do it and so he knows it was done perfectly to prep for transfer.  Problem 1- My insurance doesn't work in WA and I don't want to pay a couple grand to have the procedure done there (We are finally house hunting  after being married 10 years and that would probably cause us to delay that)  Of course I want someone capable to do it but I think I can find capable doctors here or at least closer (SLC, Boise) that take my insurance. Problem 2- I don't want to drive 8 hours to have a procedure done.

Thought 2: So before I had the HSG done in March I had an endometrial biopsy like 5 days prior. I was bleeding some from that and so I called and asked the place I was having the procedure if that would affect the results and if I should wait. They told me if it wasn't much it shouldn't affect the test. I didn't feel  like it was period bleeding but it was a little more than spotting so they said they think it would be ok.  I went in and the radiologist said "You're bleeding more than I thought and more than is normal from an endometrial biopsy. so I will make note of this in my report and see if your doctor wants to redo the test."  I found out later I was having break through bleeding on my birth control so as soon as I doubled up on my pills my bleeding stopped. If only they would've told me to wait to do the test when I called to ask. Did the bleeding affect the results that my doctor is seeing now? But what's done is done and I shouldn't focus on what's already happened. 

So I asked my nurse would the bleeding cause the films or results to be abnormal? She said it shouldn't affect the results that much and that my doctor said the bleeding wouldn't be that disruptive but I still wonder...

Thought 3: I know 2-3 more months seems not too far away but when we've been waiting years to have another baby... the waiting seems like eternity.

Thought 4:  (well I don't know if this should be categorized as a thought or more of just a tid bit of info) We paid for 3 tries and I never thought we would need all of them but as per usual I was wrong and I'm grateful we did pay for the 3. But the condition for the 3 tries was to do it within 18 months, or until a live birth resulted....well no live birth and the 18 months is up in May so do we have to pay extra because it'll be past the 18 months? <---I asked my nurse LeAnn this and she said that we won't have to pay extra and that because of the circumstances we will be able to do another transfer outside the 18 months (huge relief)

Thought 5: I am grateful we found out before the actual transfer because if it had resulted in another miscarriage I would be more devastated and then to do another transfer would cost thousands more since this is our last cycle that we've already paid for with the clinic in Spokane. 

And DONE with the VENT.

I can do this. Today I'm choosing to be BOLD and BRAVE in sharing my negative feelings and thoughts. And you know what it's ok to have hard days and negative feelings. It would be weird if I didn't.   

So off we go to move onward in this crazy journey to get the rest of our family here. And here are some amazing quotes  that I found on Army of Helaman on instagram. Love them and the encouragement they give. 

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Labs and U/S

I am so grateful for all the kind comments and words I've received and the support, love and prayers. Please know we can feel your prayers and I am not feeling like  I'm not alone in this.  You are helping me be BOLD and BRAVE. You are all carrying me through. I am so grateful and feel so blessed. Wish I could give you all a hug <3

So what I've been up to is some labs and u/s to check estrogen and progesterone levels and lining of endometrium. You see that nice stick looking thing? Yeah that's what they stick up the you know what to measure my lining. Lucky me!

We are in the process of getting that uterus nice a ready for baby to cozy into. My doctor likes a endometrial thickness of at least 7-8mm. I usually have no problem with this. The previous 2 IVF cycles I've done I've gotten pregnant but then miscarried at around 6.5-7 weeks.

In additional to a prenatal and folic acid I take a fish oil every morning and I asked to do 500 mg 2x day of metformin this cycle since I have PCOS I'm hoping it will help prevent miscarriage although the doctor doesn't think it will but I'm trying everything I can to keep my baby in me this round. If it doesn't hurt why not try it! I took metformin with my first pregnancy and carried my angel baby until 23 weeks then went into preterm labor. (More on that later)

They typically have you do a baby aspirin as well but we are not doing that this cycle again to try something different so I don't miscarry.

I had a bunch of lab tests, an endometrial biopsy, and HSG done earlier this year to see if I have any genetic clotting disorder, karyotyoing issues,  polyps,  or any other abnormal thing going on that's causing me to lose my babies and everything came back normal.

3-31-16 lining was at 3mm

Started 1 mg of estradiol 8am and 8 pm

Lupron 5 unit shot at 8:30 pm

4-4-16 lining was at 6mm

Started 2 mg of estradiol at 8am and 8pm
Lupron 5 units at 8:30pm

I have another lab u/s on Thursday morning and then again next Wednesday and then we will be travelling to Spokane for our transfer on April 18th. This month is already going so fast.