Thursday, March 31, 2016

Be Bold and Brave

I named this blog Be Bold and Brave after reading another girls story in her IVF journey---go read it! Just search "A Slice of Style" and you'll find it. She mentioned she was going to Be Bold and so I looked up what it means to be bold and found this awesome article on WikiHow. Here are some things I loved in it.
How to be bold:
Stop hesitating and do something. Is there something you've been wanting or trying to do, but can't seem to get the courage up? Doing something new and unexpected may make you vulnerable or afraid. Don't give in to those feelings.

Um yes, yes, and yes. I've felt that.

Boldness is the opposite of hesitation. Whenever you're feeling hesitant in interactions with others, or in making a decision for yourself, learn to swallow your pride and make the first move.

OK swallowing pride and making my move to share my story.

Ultimately, boldness has to do with understanding your strengths and weaknesses, then moving beyond them. Don't try to hide your problems or failures, but accept them as part of you.

Yes no more hiding. They are a part of me.

Then I thought what does it mean to be brave? So again WikiHow was my answer.

How to be brave:
Admit that you're scared. Bravery doesn't mean that you're never afraid — it means that you're afraid, but you move forward anyway, even in the scariest moments. When you try to push emotions away, they often just become stronger. Instead, acknowledge that you feel the way you feel. You will be able to better deal with your emotions when you’re honest about them.

Moving forward although I'm afraid of another loss, miscarriage and heartache.

Accept vulnerability. A common reason we’re afraid is because we worry about being vulnerable. With vulnerability comes the possibility of uncertainty, hurt, or risk. However, being vulnerable also opens you to love, connection, and empathy.

You are right again wiki.

Things may not always go smoothly. Brave people understand this and get back up when they fall down.

I want to be brave. I want to always get back up when I fall down.

There is so much more on being brave go read for yourself. It won't disappoint!

One of my favorite pictures of Christ by Mark Mabry. I love seeing the nail mark in his hand and it always brings to mind the scripture: " Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands" 1 Nephi 21:16

I don't have to BE BOLD and BRAVE alone. I have a loving Savior who knows exactly what I'm feeling and dealing with and how grateful I am for His love and comfort as I face my trials. 

So I want to be BOLD and BRAVE this round of IVF. I want to share my true feelings the good and the bad.

So here I am sharing on a blog....ready, set,  gooooooo!

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I'm Angie and I'm infertile...

Hi. I'm Angie and I'm infertile. I feel like I'm at an AA meeting and finally having the courage to say it out loud. :)

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to share my INFERTILITY story with others.

I am definitely weak in writing and story telling but just wanted to get it out there. I hope by talking about it and getting it out in the open that it will be healing for me.  Also if I can help even one other person going through their own infertility journey no matter what stage they are in to know they aren't alone in how they are feeling alone, heartbroken, aching, shamed, guilty, envious, broken,  and so many other emotions that encompass being unable to bare children.  You are not alone. You are enough. You are stronger than you think.  You are more than your infertility. You can find joy and happiness.

I decided to just start writing about where we are at in our infertility journey right now. And will start writing about our other experiences from clomid and metformin, to acupuncture, to IUI's, to adoption and now to invitro (IVF).

We started our 3rd round of IVF this month and will be doing a frozen embryo transfer (FET) on April 18, 2016.

This is my schedule right now:
3/17/16 Started Lupron shot in stomach which I do every night for the next month (it's medication to prevent me from ovulating during FET and messing with the timing of the uterine reception) which I just laugh at because that's my whole problem I don't ovulate. #PCOSproblems

OK so I am not the one that actually gives the shot to myself every night my favorite boy and husband Neal does. I tried and I just can't do it. I seriously break out in mini sweats every time I try and do it. I love him so much and he loves me. He's my favorite shot giver. And to make it even more comical  I went to school for medical assisting and can totally give shots to others but it's just way different giving them to yourself.

3/21 stop birth control and have blood work to check estrogen and progesterone levels

3/25 aunt flow visits (getting up and personal on y'all)

3/31 more blood work to check estrogen and progesterone levels and ultrasound to check lining of endometrium (got to get it nice and thick for baby to snuggle into)

In the upcoming weeks I'll start booty shots... And if I get pregnant I'll do this for 12 weeks. I just keep telling myself every shot, every pill, every dollar spent, every test done, every tear shed... it's all worth it.