Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I'm Angie and I'm infertile...

Hi. I'm Angie and I'm infertile. I feel like I'm at an AA meeting and finally having the courage to say it out loud. :)

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to share my INFERTILITY story with others.

I am definitely weak in writing and story telling but just wanted to get it out there. I hope by talking about it and getting it out in the open that it will be healing for me.  Also if I can help even one other person going through their own infertility journey no matter what stage they are in to know they aren't alone in how they are feeling alone, heartbroken, aching, shamed, guilty, envious, broken,  and so many other emotions that encompass being unable to bare children.  You are not alone. You are enough. You are stronger than you think.  You are more than your infertility. You can find joy and happiness.

I decided to just start writing about where we are at in our infertility journey right now. And will start writing about our other experiences from clomid and metformin, to acupuncture, to IUI's, to adoption and now to invitro (IVF).

We started our 3rd round of IVF this month and will be doing a frozen embryo transfer (FET) on April 18, 2016.

This is my schedule right now:
3/17/16 Started Lupron shot in stomach which I do every night for the next month (it's medication to prevent me from ovulating during FET and messing with the timing of the uterine reception) which I just laugh at because that's my whole problem I don't ovulate. #PCOSproblems

OK so I am not the one that actually gives the shot to myself every night my favorite boy and husband Neal does. I tried and I just can't do it. I seriously break out in mini sweats every time I try and do it. I love him so much and he loves me. He's my favorite shot giver. And to make it even more comical  I went to school for medical assisting and can totally give shots to others but it's just way different giving them to yourself.

3/21 stop birth control and have blood work to check estrogen and progesterone levels

3/25 aunt flow visits (getting up and personal on y'all)

3/31 more blood work to check estrogen and progesterone levels and ultrasound to check lining of endometrium (got to get it nice and thick for baby to snuggle into)

In the upcoming weeks I'll start booty shots... And if I get pregnant I'll do this for 12 weeks. I just keep telling myself every shot, every pill, every dollar spent, every test done, every tear shed... it's all worth it.


  1. Thanks thanks for sharing your story! We apparently have mutual friends on FB which is how I ended up on your blog. We too are embarking on our second attempt of fertility treatments. We have one little girl (almost three) that came from clomid and metformin and we've tried it again this time but my body has decided to veto clomid and do nothing while on it. So we'll be starting treatments soon of using a Brest cancer drug called femara (sp?). I know my body is not ready for IVF - I can't imagine being on the third try of it!!- and it's supposed to have better results than clomid for women with PCOS (I, like you, do not ovulate. Ever. Ever ever!). So we'll see how that goes. Anyway, good luck with your treatments. It's hard. That's just the plain nitty gritty truth. I'm happy you're writing about it. I've found solice in writing too (in a personal journal - but I'm totally cool sharing too) and I've found that somehow when I write it all out it seems scary but God somehow always enters my thoughts and I end up writing down words that comfort me at the time or later when I look back and read it all. It's healing to just put it all out there and allow yourself time to process and write it down. To grieve and to mourn and to try to make sense of everything happening. Wishing you all the luck and blessings in the world! i hope you feel as I have that going through it all sucks but it also seems at times "easy" because you become used to the motions and it just becomes your normal - I've learned that those feelings are God carrying me through this trial, lightening my burden to be more bearable. XOXO

    1. How I love hearing others stories. I got pregnant on metformin and clomid and then it stopped working for me too. I hope you have better luck with Femara. It didn't work for me but sure hope it works for you! God sure does carry us through our trials and always comforts me through others and prayers and blessings. I wish you the best in your upcoming treatments and thank you for your encouragement and kind words. xoxo

  2. Angie,
    My name is Audrey Poole, I am the wife of a missionary that met the Guymons on his mission long ago and became great friends with them and loved them very much. Connie sent me your way. Connie and I have become good friends over the years through Facebook. I want you to know that you are not alone. My husband and I have been battling my infertility for 10 years now. We have gone through never ending treatments, two of them being IVF, we have spent tens of thousands of dollars, and have lost 7 babies, and the most recent was less than a month ago. If the mist of all this darkness and sorrow the Lord blessed us with a little girl she is now 3 years old, and is truly the greatest blessing the Lord has given us. I would love to get to know you and exchange stories, strengths, and encouragement. I know what it is like to feel like a failure as a woman to have a body that fights you from the one thing that you want the most. I know what it is like to feels so alone and overcome with grief as you wonder through this journey. I also know what it is like to never stop fighting and never giving up even when the world tells you you’re crazy. I have talked with Connie about you guys before and have always had you in our prayers. Please feel free to reach out to me on Facebook.

    1. I'm so glad you have your sweet daughter! It sure has helped us having our sweet adopted son Grayson as we've embarked on the IVF journey. I'm so sorry for all your losses. It sounds like you know exactly what I'm feeling and going through. Thank you for your kind words, sharing your story and reaching out with encouragment. Yes please reach out to me on facebook! I'd love to hear more of your story and experiences. xoxo

  3. Oh I remember this all too well. I just came across my "in vitro binder"... Yep I had a whole binder with my med schedule, and a journal of each day like you are doing now. Hang in there gal!