IVF # 2-- Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)

So we started prepping for our second FET in August 2015.

 A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is a cycle in which the frozen embryos from a previous fresh IVF or donor egg cycle are thawed and then transferred back into the woman's uterus.

I was on birth control from 7/11-8/28 they do that so they can regulate your body and make sure the timing of the uterus and lining is ideal for a frozen embaby to implant.

My fertility clinic also started me on lupron 8/24 (to suppress my ovaries) which is still funny to me because I don't ovulate. #PCOSproblems

Here was my schedule/protocol

08/24/15- 9/9/15 Lupron 10 units
08/31-9/4 Period
09/07 Estrace 1 mg 7AM/7PM, baby aspirin
09/09 Labs and u/s
09/9-9/10 Estrace 1 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
09/11-09/14 Estrace 2 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
9/15  Labs and u/s--lining getting thicker
09/15-09/19 Estrace 2 mg 7AM/2PM/7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
09/18 Labs and u/s-- lining great 12-13mm
09/20-9/24 Progesterone in oil 1ml/cc (shot in bum), doxycycline 100 mg 2xday, Medrol 16 mg, Estrace 2 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, STOP lupron

09/24 Labs in Spokane-- look good
09/25/15 TRANSFER DAY ---- 2 EMBRYOS (both were hatching)

About 2 hours before your transfer they have you drink 36 oz of water and you are supposed to hold it until after the transfer. They do this so your bladder is full and they can more easily see where they are placing (squirting) the embryo.  

 Having a full bladder is super uncomfortable and I swear I was going to pee my pants or dribble on the doctor but luckily after they checked my bladder they let me release some before the transfer because it was so full. Again a day of no scents, no lotion, deodorant, etc. 

I put on my gown, hairnet, socks and walk into the sterilized room, climb up on the table, stirrup up and the nurse puts the u/s on your full bladder the whole time so the doctor can see where he's placing the embryo.  The doctor, cleans your cervix and preps it and sticks the catheter in until you see it in the uterus, the embryologist shows you your embryos on screen and they are so tiny, like the size of a pin head tiny, zooms in and you can see the cells in it---it's amazing. He sucks both frostys up in the straw brings it into the doctor (all while you're bum is a breezing in the air) #embarassing 

The doctor sticks the straw in the catheter and then pushes (squirts) it out and you see this little white flash and it's over. They go check the straw to make sure it's empty and say clear when they see it's empty. The whole thing probably only takes 15 -20 minutes and then they just had me walk out, finally release my pee and said no exercise, sex, or overheating  until after first pregnancy test.  They said the embryo will not fall out, it kind of just floats around until it attaches (or not) to the uterine wall. 

TWW: Two Week Wait. Waiting the 10 days until you know if the embabies stuck or not.... tried to stay occupied and not think to much about it. But doesn't work so well. 

9/30 Progesterone/Estrogen labs-- all look good

10/4 Did an at home pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE

10/5 Pregnancy lab test HCG 755

10/7 2nd pregnancy lab test HCG 2225ish

10/15 U/S and Labs--- Pregnant with TWINS! We were shocked  and pretty excited (but of course cautiously because of our past) that we had 2 littles growing in there. We kept wondering if we had 2 boys, 2 girls, or one of each. I had a little brown spotting and cramping after the u/s which they say is pretty normal with any pregnancy after an u/s.

10/16-10/19 Brown spotting continued

10/20  Had red spotting @ 3:30pm my heart sunk and I just started bawling. This was all too familiar just like last time.

10/21 A gush of red and a blood clot at 12:30pm. I called the doctor to tell them what was happening and they got me scheduled for an u/s in office @ 4PM. The u/s showed 2 heartbeats and my HCG was 100,000 Progesterone 15 (all good) But I still couldn't feel at ease. This is exactly what happened last time,... I bled. I had u/s and baby was still there. I bled more and baby was gone. 

6:30pm-1:30am more clots and more bleeding.  I knew deep down that I probably would not be carrying these babes full term and it broke my heart. I held onto what sliver of hope I could and kept telling myself that we saw the 2 heartbeats and prayed that all would be how the Lord wanted it to be. Had next u/s scheduled for 10/29

10/22 red spotting and small red clots

10/23-10/27 red when wiped

10/29 u/s showed no heartbeats or blood flow, the babies had stopped growing and measured 6 weeks, placentas had collapsed on each other. Just as I had feared. Dr. Asay came and spoke with us and told us we could do cytotec pill to induce a miscarriage or wait until they pass on their own or do D&C but they don't recommend those this early on in a loss. So we opted for cytotec that we were told to take vaginally at night because most people get nauseated and you can sleep through the worst of it. We picked up the meds and went home.

9:15PM I put the pills in vaginally as instructed and waited for it to start. I felt like not much was happening and slept through the night mostly. I was super anxious because they wanted me to try and collect the "products of conception" (my babies) to see if they could test and see if there was a reason for their loss. So every time I was on the toilet I was looking for what I thought was my babies or the placentas. It was awful.

11/3 I didn't feel as if the cytotec worked so they sent another script of cytotec for me to do and I started it at 1:30pm. Again the anxiety of trying to collect was awful and to add to it the pharmacy messed up my RX and said they couldn't fill it so I had it transferred to another pharmacy to fill it and I was just wanting to be done it had carried on long enough and I was broken inside. At one point I sat down on the toilet and something fell out and I thought it was a baby, but when I got it it was actually just one of they cytotec pills that hadn't dissolved. Seriously my emotions were shot. I thought for sure we were headed to a D&C because things just hadn't happened like I thought they would. 

11/5 labs and u/s showed that I didn't need a D&C (tender mercy) and had passed everything. HCG was 640. They told me they would monitor my HCG levels until they were below 5. 

11/11 HCG labs 365

11/18 HCG labs 170

12/2 HCG labs 33.6

12/16 HCG labs 4

01/2016 Decided to get lots of lab testing done to see if there was a reason I kept miscarrying. Neal and I were both karyotyped and it came back normal, I had tons of clotting panels, thyroid, antilphosopholipid and a slew of others and everything has come back normal. So that led us to do FET 3 that most of you followed us along for...ended in a blighted ovum. So we are prepping for my next FET transfer and saving money to get our embryos tested. I am trusting God that this next transfer goes well since we won't have the money to test them before hand and I truly believe that things will happen how He wants them to regardless so I am trusting him and praying the embryo they choose will be healthy strong and a fighter and that my body with these new meds Dr. Conway is having us try will be the key to a full term healthy baby. 

IVF #1- Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)

So we started prepping for a FET in December of 2014 for the transfer in January.

A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is a cycle in which the frozen embryos from a previous fresh IVF or donor egg cycle are thawed and then transferred back into the woman's uterus.

I was on birth control from 11/14-12/29 they do that so they can regulate your body and make sure the timing of the uterus and lining is ideal for a frozen embaby to implant.

My fertility clinic also started me on lupron (to suppress my ovaries) which is still funny to me because I don't ovulate.

Started Lupron on Christmas day Merry Christmas to me with a shot in the tummy pooch! 

Here was my schedule/protocol

12/25/14- 01/07/15 Lupron 10 units
01/01/15- 01/07/15 Period
01/07 Labs and u/s
01/08-01/11 Estrace 1 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
01/12-01/15 Estrace 2 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
01/16-01/20 Estrace 2 mg 7AM/2PM/7 PM, baby aspirin, Lupron 5 units
01/21 Labs and u/s
01/21-01/25 Progesterone in oil 1ml/cc (shot in bum), doxycycline 100 mg 2xday, Medrol 16 mg, Estrace 2 mg 7AM/ 7 PM, baby aspirin, STOP lupron

01/26/15 TRANSFER DAY ---- 1 EMBRYO

About 2 hours before your transfer they have you drink 36 oz of water and you are supposed to hold it until after the transfer. They do this so your bladder is full and they can more easily see where they are placing (squirting) the embryo.  

 Having a full bladder is super uncomfortable and I swear I was going to pee my pants or dribble on the doctor but luckily after they checked my bladder they let me release some before the transfer because it was so full. Again a day of no scents, no lotion, deodorant, etc. 

I put on my gown, hairnet, socks and walk into the sterilized room, climb up on the table, stirrup up and the nurse puts the u/s on your full bladder the whole time so the doctor can see where he's placing the embryo. #uncomfortable The doctor, cleans your cervix and preps it and sticks the catheter in until you see it in the uterus, the embryologist shows you your embryo on screen and it's so tiny, like the size of a pin head tiny, zooms in and you can see the cells in it---it's amazing. He sucks the little frosty up in the straw brings it into the doctor (all while you're bum is a breezing in the air) #embarassing 

The doctor sticks the straw in the catheter and then pushes (squirts) it out and you see this little white flash and it's over. They go check the straw to make sure it's empty and say clear when they see it's empty. The whole thing probably only takes 15 -20 minutes and then they just had me walk out, finally release my pee and said no exercise, sex, or overheating  until after first pregnancy test.  They said the embryo will not fall out, it kind of just floats around until it attaches (or not) to the uterine wall. They said they used to have you lay there 20 minutes and then do bed rest for 2 days but that they have seen no extra success in this and that most patients were just more anxious.  Here's a great little read on "Will An Embryo Fall Out after Transfer?"  Of course all doctors have their own protocol and whatnot so it's fine if you do bed rest too.

I was to Continue baby aspirin , Estrace 2mg 7 AM/7PM, Progesterone shot every day until instructed to stop

THE 2 WEEK WAIT (tww) waiting the 10 days until you know if the embaby stuck or not.... tried to stay occupied and not think to much about it. But doesn't work so well. 

01/30 labs Progesterone and estrogen levels look good continue meds
02/04 PREGNANCY labs---HCG level 218 (pregnant!)
02/05 brown spotting
02/06 PREGNANCY labs to confirm pregnancy--- HCG level 723 (levels doubled still pregnant!)
02/11 u/s of baby

02/13- 02/14 brown spotting
02/15 red clots and bleeding (super emotional I was  sure I was miscarrying, we had traveled home to Idaho for the weekend and so I called my nurse LeAnn and she said to come in tomorrow to do an u/s she said it is common to have some spotting with IVF and to just wait and see tomorrow. We rushed, as in drove the 8 hours, back to Spokane for the u/s the next day. My dad and Neal gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing that everything would be fine and I felt so much comfort. )

02/16 labs and u/s --we were able to see baby's heart movement my HCG level now 19,000 and Progesterone level 25. Everything looked good. It eased my anxiety a little.

02/17-02/18 brown spotting
02/19  had more red clots and bleeding 11:45 AM to 7:30PM (lots of tears, anxiety, and feeling that I'm miscarrying again, again nurse said to come in next day to see)
02/20 had labs and u/s saw baby had grown and saw heartbeat (so much love for a little bean already--I thought once I see the heartbeat everything will be fine and continue to develop normally..)

02/21 brown/red spotting
02/23 again more red clots and bleeding  started at 10:15 PM
02/24 lots of clots and bleeding all day (Called nurse again and we decided to wait to do u/s until Friday since there is really nothing to be done either way. Emotional wreck, not sure what to think... Trying to remain hopeful because the last two u/s were good of baby even though I had been bleeding)
02/27 u/s NO heartbeat or blood flow to baby. Baby stopped growing probably 3 days prior (this was hard news and I was alone, Neal had stayed home with Grayson. I asked what next step was and decided I'd like to do a D&C so that I didn't have to wait to pass the baby and we could do another egg retrieval before moving in July...I didn't get emotional until I was in the car, I tried calling Neal to let him know on my way home and my phone was acting up and no calls were going through. I got even more emotional not being able to get a hold of him... the suck in the breath sobs. I was driving through tears and when I pulled in I got to the door and Neal was there and he just looked at me and knew...he hugged me tight and I told him there was no heartbeat and that the baby stopped growing. He held me tighter and felt so bad leaving me to go to work. It was a hard day and even now as I write this the feelings of loss are coming back, the pain has lessened of course but it's still hard to remember. 

3/2 Had the D&C  at Deaconess hospital everything went smoothly(they dilate your cervix and suck or scrape out everything inside your uterus) they put me all the way under and I didn't have any pain afterwards. I was glad we did this rather than waiting to pass on my own, I didn't want to have to see my baby as I passed it and be reminded again of the loss. 

They continued to monitor my HCG levels until they were 2 or lower
3/9 labs HCG level down to 1000 and low iron
3/24 labs HCG level 24
4/21 Labs HCG level 1.6 Started Provera to induce period for next stimulation cycle for egg retrieval
5/4-5/8 Period
5/6 started birth control
5/20-5/24 Period

Up next our 2nd egg retrieval ...

Dear Jayden...

Through 4 miscarriages (one a set of twins after our 2nd round of IVF) and the loss of Jayden. I just want to add our story to all the others out there to provide hope. I never stop aching for and loving those babes and I think about them often, but I'm holding out for that joy that has come through my Savior Jesus Christ, and the knowledge that I will be with them again in heaven. Sending all my love and a big bear {hug} to all who have suffered loss. 

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness month I just wanted to share with you all a letter we wrote to our son Jayden who was born early and passed away the same day he was born. <3

Jayden,

Your dad and I just wanted you to know that we have a testimony of Jesus Christ, the Gospel, and of eternal families, although this one is written, we hope that as you watch us you will see we have a testimony. We love you so much and are so proud to be your parents. Even though your life was short here on Earth, you have had and will continue to have a huge impact on us. Through this amazing journey of bringing you here, we have learned and grown so much.

We learned patience and to trust in God’s will and timing when we were trying to have children. After 2 years He blessed us with you. We learned more love as we heard your first heartbeat, felt your first kick and got to hold you the first time. We never fully understood the power of prayer until we felt the faith, comfort and sustaining power of the spirit through the prayers of ward members, family and friends. Our faith was strengthened through this experience as you and I had priesthood blessings and we learned to trust in the Lord with all our hearts.

Heavenly Father loves each of us and knows us personally. We have felt Heavenly Father’s love through the service we have received from all of the people who have reached out a loving hand without any hesitation. We know service brings us closer to God and this is how we receive true happiness.

Your dad and I have come to more deeply appreciate our marriage in the temple and the blessing it brings. You have brought us closer together and we have truly come to know that families are eternal and are so grateful for the Plan of Salvation. This is something we had taken for granted up until now. What a wonderful Plan Heavenly Father has for each of us so we can return to Him and if we are faithful we can be together as a family forever.

We know Jesus Christ made all of this possible and because of his infinite sacrifice. His Atonement and Resurrection has taken on a whole new dimension and meaning through this experience. We are eternally grateful for our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ who has brought us this joy of knowing we can be with you again. Jayden, may you know, our greatest blessing was having you!

All our love,

Dad and Mom

If you would like to learn more about what we believe you can check out this link here.

Passing the BO (Blighted Ovum) and the last 2 weeks...

Sorry I've been MIA the last little while, just been dealing with passing the BO(sounds stinky because it has been) blighted ovum. And also been potty training my 3 year old. 

Please read at your own discretion... ;)

So went to my appointment on Monday the 22nd and did an ultrasound and that sac was still hanging out in there. So Dr. Denson prescribed me cytotec and said I could take it when I wanted to or not and wait it out. He told me to call on Friday and let him know how things were going. 

I came home from my appointment and planned to go out with my favorite boys that night and started cramping and bleeding heavily so we canceled our plans and I took some Tylenol and laid down and stayed close to the bathroom.

The next day was super heavy bleeding and clots and I was getting really light headed, short of breath and dizzy when I'd stand because of how much I was bleeding.

It was a tender mercy to not have to take the cytotec or wait any longer.

Wednesday was a little slower but still happening and I decided since I was stuck at home anyways I'd start potty training our 3 year old. He did awesome!



I'm still spotting and SO tired of it...just be done body...just be done already...ya know.

I had labs drawn Friday Sept 2 and my HCG has dropped to 152 so I definitely passed the sac. Now we wait until levels go to 0 to do another transfer.

I have an appointment with Dr. Conway tomorrow, she's the new IVF doctor here in Idaho Falls. It'll be nice to start new and fresh with a new doctor.

Our 11 little embryos get shipped off to Dr. Conway on Thursday too. So pray for them to have safe travels!

Can I just say how incredibly grateful I am for all the prayers for our family. They have held me together and I've seen God's hand and love throughout all of this. I can actually say emotionally I'm doing good and ready for another FET (it was easier knowing there was no baby and miscarrying then seeing the baby and heartbeat and losing them).

Sending hugs and heartfelt gratitude to all of you! <3 I'll keep you posted on what the plan is next. 

What now?

So I had another u/s and lab Monday and my HCG levels rose to 26,374 and no surprise but still no baby. So now we know there is officially no baby or anything in the sac what's next?

I had a doctors appointment Monday as well and Dr. Denson feels it would be best to try and pass it on my own without a D&C. The sac is so small he feels the risk of D&C and messing with the cervix (especially in my case with incompetent cervix) would be unwise. I told him I just don't want this dragging out for weeks.  I stopped all my meds progesterone and estradiol.

I had another HCG drawn Wednesday and it dropped to 21,000 something. So maybe things are moving along. I had a blood clot and gush of blood Tuesday night but nothing since then and I feel like from my miscarriages in the past it just wasn't enough to be done.

So I have an appointment on Monday to see if anything has passed and if not he'll probably give me cytotec to get things moving. I used cytotec the last time and hated it. I didn't think it was working and did another dose and one of the pills fell out and I thought it might've been one of the babies.  They wanted me to try and collect the products of conception to test for genetic problems so I was just stressed the entire time. Awful!

This time might not be so bad since we already know this was a genetic issue so no need to try and collect anything. Let's hope things happen soon. It's already been almost a week and not much has happened in the passing/ miscarrying department.

So we sit and wait... As you can see waiting is a HUGE part of IVF and infertility. But thank goodness we have this sweet little boy to help us find joy in this difficult journey. He is our world and we love him more than life! 

In the meantime we are getting papers going to get our other 11 frozen embryos transferred to Dr. Conway office here in Idaho Falls. 

No baby...

I was a ball of nerves all morning. I told Neal I don't know if I want to know. I was teary and didn't want to hear the worst.

Went and got labs then headed for U/S at Denson's office. Dr. Pam Denson did the u/s and I could tell instantly there was nothing in the sac. It was bigger than last time but it was just a black hole.

She told us it would appear to be a blighted ovum but she can't medically document that until the sac is 2 mm. Mine is 1.28mm. So she said to come back next week and do another u/s and then talk with Dr. Nick afterwards.

My HCG levels are now 13,850. Dr. Pam said those levels are higher than she expected with what we saw. So we will do another labs next week with the u/s.

So it's dragging out another week. I'm sure next week we will see nothing and then we can finally get closure and decide if we do a D&C or what not.

So lots of tears shed, what else can you do when you hear the news you dreaded hearing.  It's hard, and definitely not what I was hoping for but we will be OK but for now I will cry, eat my chocolate and go on a shopping spree.

Again I will probably shut down for awhile and please don't be offended if I don't comment or respond to texts, emails, etc. I'm just working through my grief. We so appreciate all the love and support from all of you during this process and can feel comfort and peace through the prayers said in our behalf.  

Infertility treatments 2009-2013

2009- After losing our son we were heartbroken and discouraged. It was a dark and depressing time for me. I couldn't understand why after finally being blessed to get pregnant that I wouldn't be able to raise him in this life. I knew deep down this was the Lord's plan for me and my family and I trusted Him. So onward we went.

My OBGYN Dr Akerman said we could try to have a baby again after 6 weeks . We decided to not actively try but we wouldn't prevent it by using birth control and such.

Nothing happened month after month after month.   Around 6 months I finally felt somewhat emotionally stable to try again and  went back on clomid and metformin.

It wasn't working after several months so we tried Femara which is another medicine to help you ovulate more  but that also did nothing. I did one more round of clomid/ metformin and  in December I had a positive pregnancy test. I was thrilled and couldn't believe it!  But the very next day I started bleeding. The doctor said it was a chemical pregnancy.  I wish I would've just waited to test so I didn't have my joy dashed by seeing the pregnant result and then to just lose it all the next day. It was so close within my  reach and then it was gone.  This was as far as Dr Akerman could treat so we decided to move onto an infertility center.

2010-2011 I went to the infertility doctor Dr. Lee in Brea California and because we were on a limited income with Neal in school we couldn't afford to do IVF.

We did follistim shots (the same meds used for IVF) to get me to produce eggs and did insemination (IUI) along with this treatment.

This is what they do for IUI:

Cycle 1-I responded very well and had lots of follicles/eggs, in fact too well, the first month on this medicine and we had to cancel the cycle because of the high risk of multiple babies and overstimulation.

Cycle 2 - This round my body was a little slower responding to the med follistim but it still worked and we timed the trigger shot to release the eggs--one egg had already released and the others would shortly. We did the IUI and we were so hopeful. But we didn't get pregnant.

Have I told you yet how much I loathe pregnancy tests? Just typing it is giving me panic attacks with the racing heart beat and little sweats. I get this feeling every single time. 

Cycle 3- Everything seemed like it was perfect, plenty of eggs, timing of trigger shot and insemination was right on . We thought for sure this was it.We were going to get pregnant. First blood test result was a slight positive. We tried not to get our hopes up.  Then the retest a few days later to see if it doubled.... and it was a negative. I was done. I remember I was moping my floor when they called and just fell on my knees and bawled on that wet floor and tried not sobbing into the phone as I hung up. 

Fall 2011- Neal was starting optometry school rotations soon and we wouldn't have time or money to do another cycle. I asked Dr. Lee if he could give me clomid and  metformin to do while on rotations. He was so kind and agreed. 

I just felt I had to keep trying somehow-- even if this combo of clomid and metformin was hit and miss on when it'd work. I felt doing nothing would mean I had given up and I didn't want my future children waiting on me.

We moved to Hanford CA near Fresno for Neal's rotation at the naval base in October of 2011. I went home end of November through December to help my dad and mom while he went through an extensive surgery for cancer in his leg. So Neal and I were apart for a little less than a month.

I did clomid and metformin December of 2011 and after the holidays with the families we came back to Hanford and I didn't think much of anything and then my boobs//boobies/breasts (whatever you want to call them)  :) started aching and I was peeing more (which had happened before when my mind/body played tricks on me getting me to think I was pregnant and I wasn't)

2012- So I took the thing I loathe most and did a pregnancy test not expecting to see positive but it was! I remember kneeling down saying a prayer of gratitude for this miracle. 

I hadn't told Neal I was taking a pregnancy test because I thought it was one of those body/mind tricks. So I was excited to surprise him (which you never really get to do when you are dealing with infertility). I wrapped up the +  test in a box and when he got home from work I filmed him opening his "gift". He was shocked and of course a little mind blown and lets be honest a little grossed out that he was holding a peed on stick. haha.

I went to a free clinic the next day to confirm pregnancy so I could get on Medicaid and went to see the doctor the same day as I had some light spotting.  I asked if they would do an ultrasound but they said they don't in office and scheduled one for me the next day.  On our way home from the doctor I had a sharp pain in my side. We got home and I laid down to rest, I got up to go to the bathroom and had some blood and more shooting pain. I called the doctor and they told me to go to the ER. 

Got to the ER and had to wait to get in and I was in quite a bit of pain and had more bleeding. We finally got back and they took some blood and sent me to get an ultrasound. I couldn't see anything on the screen. I was wheeled back to my room and the doctor came in and told us the news. There was no baby or sac or anything in there. Just fluid. Labs confirmed high HCG and that I was pregnant. They were worried  it was an ectopic pregnancy and told me what to look for.  Again heartbroken and tears and lots more tears later and we were sent home. 

Neal was getting close to graduating in a few months and had a job interview in Spokane a few days later and he really wanted me to fly out there with him. My OB in Hanford was still worried it was ectopic and had me doing blood work  to check my HCG levels every few days to see if my levels were dropping or not. My doctor told me I probably shouldn't go to Spokane but it was ultimately up to me and if I had any fever, dizziness, severe abdominal pain to get off at our layover and go to the hospital ASAP.  

So I decided to go with Neal. I had contractions all day. Was on tylenol constantly and was bleeding. I was pretty miserable but was trying to support my hubster. Of course Neal was constantly asking me if I was ok and if I thought I needed to go to the hospital. I felt I was doing ok enough to keep on going onto the flight in Spokane. 

*Graphic details skip if you want* It was a lot smaller plane and I remember sitting down and just feeling a huge gush. I rushed back to the bathroom and as soon as I tried to sit down more gushing. I was bleeding quite a bit, it got all over the bathroom and I was trying to clean it up and couldn't find how to flush the toilet (I had never used an airplane bathroom before). I was panicked. I can't just leave it like this...how long have I been in here? Will the people across the row be wondering what the heck I'm doing taking so long? 

I finally found the white button to flush on the side and cleaned up the bathroom and myself. But I had leaked through my pants.... now I had to walk back to my seat.... luckily the plane was darkbe cause it was night time and as I got back to Neal I just broke down and cried. I made it through the flight and took more tylenol. 

We stayed with my old roommate from college and her husband and drove to their house and chatted with them a bit and went to bed. As I was getting ready for bed I sat down on the toilet and there was this weird gray thing coming out of me. I pulled it out and  showed Neal. We searched google and realized it was probably the pregnancy sac. 

When we got back from the interview my HCG levels had dropped significantly and I was in the clear. We moved to Salt Lake City a couple weeks later for Neal's last rotation. 

Took a good LONG break from trying. 

Neal graduated from optometry school and we moved to Spokane in June 2012 (Neal got the job he interviewed at)
 

In July I saw a new OBGYN doctor for my yearly exam and went back on clomid and metformin. 

After that first month of it not working I was a mess. I just emotionally could not handle the negative pregnancy test and was depressed and Neal said "Angie we need to do something else I hate seeing you so sad" so we decided it was time to consider either Invitrofertilization (IVF) or Adoption.

Sometimes I really just think life isn't fair! But of course we all have hard times and trials that refine us. I wouldn't change any of my experiences, heartaches and loss for the testimony and faith I've gained in Heavenly Father's plan for our family. Of course I still feel shakey in my faith now and then especially as we get closer to IVF # 3 but deep down I will always know Heavenly Father LOVES me and His way will always be better than my way.