My good friend emailed me this general conference talk and it was just what I needed to read. It's called "But if Not"
Here's a little snippet:
"...Take comfort in the knowledge that you did everything you could. Such faith, fasting, and blessing could not be in vain! That your child did not recover in spite of all that was done in his behalf can and should be the basis for peace and reassurance to all who love him! The Lord—who inspires the blessings and who hears every earnest prayer—called him home nonetheless. All the experiences of prayer, fasting, and faith may well have been more for our benefit than for his.
How, then, should we approach the throne of grace as we plead earnestly for a loved one and place hands upon her head to give a blessing by priesthood authority? How do we properly exercise our faith? The Prophet Joseph Smith defined that first principle of the gospel as “faith in the Lord Jesus Christ” (A of F 1:4; emphasis added). It is that defining phrase—“in the Lord Jesus Christ”—that we sometimes forget. Too often we offer our prayer or perform our administration and then wait nervously to see whether our request will be granted, as though approval would provide needed evidence of His existence. That is not faith! Faith is, quite simply, aconfidence in the Lord. In Mormon’s words, it is “a firm mind in every form of godliness” (Moro. 7:30; emphasis added). The three Hebrew magistrates expressed trust that the Lord would deliver them from the fiery furnace, “but if not,” they said to the king, “we [still] will not serve thy gods” (Dan. 3:18; emphasis added). Significantly, not three but four men were seen in the midst of the flames, and “the form of the fourth [was] like the Son of God” (Dan. 3:25)"
So as I've read this talk I've changed my prayers to pleading for a miracle and that we see a baby in there tomorrow and then adding in but if not I will still trust in your plan for us and will continue to have faith in whatever the outcome may be and find comfort in knowing you're hearing my prayers. God has the power to grant me a miracle but if the answer is no I still know He loves me and has a plan for me.
Here's the link to the whole talk.
It's been an emotionally draining week. I started spotting a pinkish/red Wednesday night and have had a tiny bit every day since but it's been brown which isn't as nerve wracking as red. I'd rather not have any at all. So tomorrow we will find out. I hope will all my heart we get a miracle and there is a strong healthy baby growing in there. But if not, things will be ok.