First of all, I want to thank everyone of you for your kind words, comments, texts, emails, prayers and love. Please know although I'm not in a place emotionally to respond to all of them they have meant a lot and made me cry and realize how blessed I am. I read every single comment. Please know how grateful I am.
So today draaaaagggged on. I called first thing this morning to schedule my u/s and had to wait for a call back.
Dr. Denson thought it'd be better to go to an imaging place with a better u/s machine and that way a radiologist could review the report.
So they sent an order and I scheduled for 2pm then realized I better see if they were in my insurance network. They weren't so I had to reschedule to EIRMC at 3:30.
Went and got labs drawn around 11 and Dr. Denson office called around 1:30 with the results. They are now 2,277---They more than doubled! I was shocked. So then I got hopeful... But I know better than to be excited since we've had our fair share of disappoint and loss.
Neal was able to go with me to the u/s and they did an abdominal and transvaginal. I couldn't see the screen during the transvag so I was looking at Neal's face trying to read it and decipher his facials--if there was any baby or any sign of pregnancy in there. I had nothing his face was confusing so I finally just asked. Is there anything in there?
The u/s tech told us there was no sign of ectopic pregnancy (so that's good) and there was a small sac in the uterus measuring 4 weeks 6 days but she couldn't see anything in it. I asked if it could be a blighted ovum and she said it could but it could also progress. It's hard to say this early on.
Drove to Denson's office since they wanted to see me after u/s and spoke with my nurse LeAnn on the way there told her what they saw and she said the same thing it isn't great that I'm measuring behind but there is still a little chance things will progress. It's not super likely but we won't know until we keep checking. I asked her if it's possible to have a delayed implantation that would cause me to measure behind. She said not really because my first beta HCG was so strong. But she said to be cautiously optimistic.
Dr. Denson (well we saw his wife who is also an OBGYN) who went over the results and said that the HCG levels today with what they saw on u/s was what you'd expect and to do u/s next week to see how things go. But I should be 5 weeks 5 days so I'm measuring about a week behind. So foe me things still don't look great and I'm just planning for a loss so I don't get hurt as bad. Its a defensive mechanism. First I shut down, then I cry until I have no more tears, and right now I'm in more of an anger stage.
So that is where we are at. I go in for another u/s and lab next Tuesday and we will see if there is any growth or progression.
So here's to another awful hellish week of waiting in anxiety. Haha.
Still praying for our miracle. Although this all just stinks. I still know God is aware of me and loves me.
I prayed and pretty much cried all day Saturday that I would get a miracle and as I poured out my heart I prayed I really don't think I can go through another loss again... and please I'm begging you, don't make me go through this....let us give Grayson a sibling....
I was able to attend a session in the temple Saturday and I opened to the scripture D&C 58:2-5 two times while I was there. So it has to be an answer right? I read it - and it honestly made me mad a little bit. I didn't want the answer that the time was not yet. But as I re-read it I realize that God's ways are not always our ways and He truly knows what is best for us.
D&C 58: 2-5
So here we go another week down and another week waiting anxiously to see what's in store.